Ego Vinterop Wedding Designer

I have been working in my office for a year and my wedding is in 9 months. The total people in my office is approximately 30 people. The office is divided by accounting (which is who I work closely with) and sales (which are those that are about my age). I have the financial means to invite them all, but I am at a loss who to invite. I am especially close to some, but we are all pretty close-knit meaning that if I only invite some, the others will find out and be offended. I also don’t want to make it seem that I am just looking for gifts. A few people in the office I am not close to at all, but they are management. What should I do and who should I invite? I plan to invite all spouses/significant others, and only the co-worker as a single if they have no significant other. Is this all proper wedding etiquette?

This really depends on how long you have been there. You can hand deliver each invite, to those you really want to come; or you can post an invite in the work room. Also, you could just invite the people at your office to your reception. It all depends on you. My husband and I really wanted a family wedding, so we chose to just invite family and friends. We had both been working with others for a couple of years, and just explained to them it was a personal affair and no offense. Each job still passed around a card for us, which was filled with money that was a nice surprise. Hope that helps. GOOD LUCK

I’m making a rough draft of who i would like to invite to my wedding.
I want to invite everyone I think I should invite out of courtesy but I don’t want to have a large wedding because I would like a fairly simple wedding, not a cheesy wedding, but I just don’t want a very large crowd.
Is there proper etiquette for who i should invite? So people will understand if they aren’t invited…I’m thinking about 100-150, but I don’t even know how that compares to large/average weddings..
How much is too much?
How much is average?

The main rule? If you invite a person, then you must also invite his/her spouse or live-in partner. You cannot skip inviting the spouse.

A good guideline? The one-year rule. If bride or groom has not seen or socialized with a potential guest within the last year, perhaps it is best to leave that person off the guest list.

Now of course, there will sometimes be exceptions to the one-year rule. Say Great Aunt Sally lives out of state, and you have not seen her in two or three years. You know she will be heartbroken if she does not receive a wedding invitation. In that case, you would of course invite your Great Aunt Sally.

But there is really no need to invite that high-school friend you haven’t seen in 8 years!

It’s mostly just common sense. Invite the nearest and the dearest. And as Perse said, whole groups. . . such as all aunts/uncles or none. All cousins or none.

You can consider dividing the guest list. For example, for a 150-person wedding . . .
Bride and groom invite 50 guests
Bride’s parents invite 50 guests
Groom’s parents invite 50 guests

Yes, parents usually get a say too. But you can suggest guidelines . . . for example, asking that they not invite their work buddies that bride and groom have never even met.

Good luck with your planning.

I’m making a rough draft of who i would like to invite to my wedding.
I want to invite everyone I think I should invite out of courtesy but I don’t want to have a large wedding because I would like a fairly simple wedding, not a cheesy wedding, but I just don’t want a very large crowd.
Is there proper etiquette for who i should invite? So people will understand if they aren’t invited…I’m thinking about 100-150, but I don’t even know how that compares to large/average weddings..
How much is too much?
How much is average?

The main rule? If you invite a person, then you must also invite his/her spouse or live-in partner. You cannot skip inviting the spouse.

A good guideline? The one-year rule. If bride or groom has not seen or socialized with a potential guest within the last year, perhaps it is best to leave that person off the guest list.

Now of course, there will sometimes be exceptions to the one-year rule. Say Great Aunt Sally lives out of state, and you have not seen her in two or three years. You know she will be heartbroken if she does not receive a wedding invitation. In that case, you would of course invite your Great Aunt Sally.

But there is really no need to invite that high-school friend you haven’t seen in 8 years!

It’s mostly just common sense. Invite the nearest and the dearest. And as Perse said, whole groups. . . such as all aunts/uncles or none. All cousins or none.

You can consider dividing the guest list. For example, for a 150-person wedding . . .
Bride and groom invite 50 guests
Bride’s parents invite 50 guests
Groom’s parents invite 50 guests

Yes, parents usually get a say too. But you can suggest guidelines . . . for example, asking that they not invite their work buddies that bride and groom have never even met.

Good luck with your planning.

My boss keeps talking to me like he assumes he is invited to our wedding. The thing is funds are limited so that means my invites are also limited. I really don’t like my boss. I hadn’t planned on inviting him but they way he keeps talking about the wedding as if he is going to be invited makes me uncomfortable. I understand that it is my wedding and I can invite or not invite whomever I chose but I was wondering if there some sort protocol or etiquette regarding this?

the etiquette is on your side – no one has the right to assume they are being invited.your boss will get the hint when he doesn’t receive a formal invitation.if he is so rude as to say something about it,simply tell him it is small,private,family only affair

A couple decides to renew their wedding vow and invites close family and friends to attend. The couple wants to have a small dinner afterward. Originally, the couple was going to host the dinner at their house. A small dinner where they would provide a baked ham and cake. Family and friends would bring a covered dish. Then a relative of the couple offers to host the reception/dinner afterward at her new house so everyone can see it. The couple and hostess then begin to ask all those attending to supply all the food and beverages for the reception. Asking one person to bring a tiered wedding cake. Asking others to bring at least 3 different dishes each and bottles of wine and Champagne. Just wondering the proper etiquette regarding this. Several of the family and friends are kind of put out with it. Thinking it rather odd the way it was handled.

Unless you are hosting a pot luck supper, it is never proper etiquette to have a major event like a vow renewal/reception and require the guests to cater it and stock the bar. Requiring a guest to bring a wedding type cake would be enough for most polite company to RSVP "regrets."

Me and my fiance are planning on having a very small ceremony with just our parents and a couple good friends in October. We are doing so because finances wont allow us to have the bigger wedding and reception that we would like. We would like to make the day memorable and celebrate with out loved ones. We were thinking of having an open invitation to our friends and family (maybe 15-20 people) to a restaurant afterwards to celebrate with us. We don’t have the money to pay for everyone that might come, would it be tacky to expect everyone to pay for themselves or to have separate checks? Not sure on the etiquette of this. Also, what are your suggestions to celebrate a small courthouse wedding with your loved ones without spending too much money?
i dont think it was understood in my question that we are not expecting gifts from anyone and we are not formally inviting anyone to the restaurant. it will be more like an informal get together of friends and family. just like you were meeting up with friends any other day.

Yes, it would be tacky to ask your "guests" to pay. If you call them guests, then you pay. Instead of going to a restaurant, have a backyard bbq. Grill hamburgers, hot dogs, etc. Have potato salad, cole slaw. Entertain your guests in a way you can afford.

This is the first time I am planning my wedding (I was married previously but it was only a civil marriage and no reception). This time I want to go all out and I have no idea where to even start. I don’t know what is proper and what needs to be avoided. My fiance would like to stick with a more traditional wedding and I’m fine with that but I don’t know what a traditional wedding really entails. If anybody has some insight to share, i’d be happy to hear it. Thank you.

There are many good books available so you should definitely get some! Also, if you can find a reputable Wedding Planner in your area, you might consider hiring one!

If you happen to be in AR, let me know!

Rule #1: Hotel rooms of the wedding party members are paid for by the bride and groom.

I have no actual problem abiding by that one if it’s really what is done, but we’ve got 9 people we’ve got to put up at a very nice hotel and I certainly hope they don’t mind having roommates!

Rule #2: Addresses on the invitations must be handwritten and never printed

That one I just find ridiculous because it would cost us about $400 to hire a calligrapher with all the people we are inviting, and I have terrible handwriting.

1. I’ve never had the couple pay for my room when I was a bridesmaid. I’ve always been responsible for my travel, accommodations, and a dress I’ll never wear again. I thought that’s how most weddings were. It’s certainly a nice gesture if you can afford it.

2. I know there are some people (old people? I don’t know) who care about hand-addressed invitations. This is not something I care about in the least, because honestly, I am going to throw the envelope in the trash as soon as I open it. As long as you get my name and address right, I don’t care if you laser-print it or fingerpaint it.

Rule #1: Hotel rooms of the wedding party members are paid for by the bride and groom.

I have no actual problem abiding by that one if it’s really what is done, but we’ve got 9 people we’ve got to put up at a very nice hotel and I certainly hope they don’t mind having roommates!

Rule #2: Addresses on the invitations must be handwritten and never printed

That one I just find ridiculous because it would cost us about $400 to hire a calligrapher with all the people we are inviting, and I have terrible handwriting.

1. I’ve never had the couple pay for my room when I was a bridesmaid. I’ve always been responsible for my travel, accommodations, and a dress I’ll never wear again. I thought that’s how most weddings were. It’s certainly a nice gesture if you can afford it.

2. I know there are some people (old people? I don’t know) who care about hand-addressed invitations. This is not something I care about in the least, because honestly, I am going to throw the envelope in the trash as soon as I open it. As long as you get my name and address right, I don’t care if you laser-print it or fingerpaint it.

What is the etiquette regarding wedding gifts? presents vs. cash. what should the cash denomination be? How much should a person shell out for a wedding gift?

Traditional etiquette: Soon after receiving your invitation, buy a greeting card expressing best wishes, etc. Then go to a nice store and select a high-quality gift, perhaps something the couple could use when they entertain. Have it wrapped in "wedding" gift wrap, sign and firmly attach the card, and either have the store deliver it to the bride’s home, or bring it there yourself.

Modern etiquette: The couple often registers at one or more stores, listing what gifts would be most welcome or needed. These could range from household linens to electric drills, china and crystal to microwave ovens. The store will keep track of what has already been purchased, to reduce the chance of duplicates. If you can’t afford something from the list (it happens) get them something else, just so long as it’s good quality and comes from a store that accepts returns.

Do the card and gift wrap as above. If you take it to the bride’s home, call to make sure she’ll be there to receive it. Most young women these days have apartments and jobs, and aren’t always home. The custom has also arisen of bringing wedding gifts to the reception. There is usually a table for them there. It’s less trouble for the donor, but more trouble for the people hosting the wedding, since they have to gather up the gifts and store them somewhere until the couple gets back from their wedding trip.

You ask – presents versus cash, and how much should you spend on the gift? I’d say it depends on how close you are to the couple, and the state of your finances. If you’re just casual friends, or you’re a starving artist, something in the $25 – $40 range would be all right. If you’re a close friend or relative, or if you have the level of job that lets you eat out every week and attend professional sports or concerts, $100 or more would be better. This applies to either gifts or cash. If you give money, make it a check rather than actual cash. There’s less chance of it going missing that way.